As you read the poem, imagine a 12-14 year old girl taking the time to read to a hyperactive 5-7 year old farm boy. Now, especially imagine her reading to a young 6 year old boy who had just lost his fingers in a farm accident. Her reading was a healing balm. Mary went on to eventually get her masters in Learning Disabilities. Guess what she focused on? Yep, you guessed it…reading. She taught and coached teachers on how to help reading disabled children to access the power of words in books.

In many ways when we read we access our own stories. I’ve coached many individuals and business leaders. And I realize that we have one thing in common as human beings. We are all, in many ways, a collection of our own stories. Some stories get given to us very early and are not always of our choosing. Yet when we choose…when we do seek to write our own story…it can be empowering beyond measure. Not just to us, but to all of those souls we touch. As parents and leaders we seek to write a story upon the hearts of others. This poem is a reflection of my experience of being coached, being a coach, and being read to by a great reader/sister. I love you Mary Inez.

Read me a story
Strange places can be visited,
From my small person world.
Read me a story about adventures great!

Old books with funny rhymes
And valuable humor learned.
Read me a story of silly things!

My heart would burn inside me
When courageous right was done.
Read me a story of justice!

The only stillness of the day
Sitting, listening, peace seeps in.
Read me a story to quiet my soul.

I needed your closeness
A familiar sister voice.
You read me stories like it is your choice.

Read me a story!
Oh please read me a story.
Please, please in all its glory…read in to me a story!

This poem came to me one day in 2006. Many years after an experience of being a farm boy and farmer. I grew up watching my father plant corn, soybeans, oats, and alfalfa. He loved farming. One day we were filling the planter box with corn seed and he picked one up and said…”everything it needs to know to grow is contained within this seed”. This poem was originally called “All it Needs to Know”. Like us a seed is nothing but energy stored, released, and vying…If you like this one I have some more.

Sunlight Captured

Sunlight captured from a season prior,

Stored like frozen flames within a flower.

Endless possibilities lie encapsulated,

Greeting spring’s cool moist earth elated

Entrenched in joy and with implore.

To begin its sacrificial dying

Energy once stored released and vying

Willing a new life upward to its beckon,

To glorious exponential restoration

Of itself and then much more.

Destined greetings from familiar heat,

Heaven’s rays captured neat

Living and now growing

The green of life now showing,

Still much struggle yet to succeed

Lest a stifling lack of vital needs,

Knowledge held within informs the growing deeds

Sunlight once again to seek its rapture

As grain appears from season’s capture

Bringing bounty’s gift again and again and again …and once again through just one seed

–Mark Uhlenberg 4/10/2006

The second and more tangible aspect is to have a framework or “road map” that identifies milestones and actions that will bring change and transformation to a reality. Not just initiate the change, but see it through to completion and outcome needed or wanted. Below I will discuss a simple 4 element approach to implementing change as a leader of a system. Its not complicated, but its lack of complexity makes the pathway no less robust or rigorous. I developed this process when implementing an online learning platform to a segment of retail sales people (over 15,000) that had never used online learning. In fact, just a short 10 years ago many didn’t even have computers or high speed internet.

Let’s roll with it!

Relevance

Relevance has two important elements that must be thought through by the system owner and “change bringer”. We must identify WHAT is changing and WHY it needs to change. Yet easy as this sounds it all breaks down because we assume way to much.

• Strike one. We think everyone sees the need to change and even sees it the way we do.
• Strike two. We assume that all parties live with the same level of energy for the change that we do.
• Foul ball. We think that since we have said “why” its important at least once or a few times…we have completed our communication and everyone “gets it”. This is not a strike out, just a foul ball because at least we have tried to communicate why.
• Strike three. We think we are clear, relevant, and assume the change really is not that big a deal. However, not only have we not prepared for what it will require for us to lead this change. We have disregarded the impact even small change (or large changes done for the right reasons) will have on people.

Rick Mauer (Change without Migraines) has studied change for years and has a simple approach to leading change. He has a free ebook to download. He clearly states that leaders often allow people to be in the dark about changes. Generally, the cycle looks like this after a change is announced. 1) I don’t get it. 2) I don’t like it. and 3) I don’t like you. It’s all about keeping people out of the dark and dealing with the resistance so that they don’t get to not liking it or you. And if we don’t keep talking about “why” through the change cycle we can all fall back into the dark…and nobody likes to be in the dark.

Illumination of the relevance for the change constantly and consistently is key. You will feel redundant. Yet, we hate not knowing as human beings. How does it affect me in my role or the organization? “Why” is this important? Where is the urgency? What will happen if we don’t change? These questions must live in your everyday interactions.

Buy in

There isn’t always a definitive moment when you realize you have  it. Things have shifted to the Buy In phase when you feel the momentum of your conversations increase. You know when you have transitioned there because the conversations change and you begin to see commitment to act. With getting someone to invest money it comes with putting dollars or a budget against it. When Buy In happens you have now established a clear connection to how the shared success of the initiative will bring the results desired for success and most importantly the WIIFM (What’s In It For Me). Pronounced “Whiffum”.

Buy In is not an indication that sustained change has taken place. Buy In signals that the true start and beginnings of change have begun. Things have shifted. We’ve reached the peak and momentum has increased. Efficiency of your conversations and the individuals involved have increased and you sense everyone is beginning to “lean in” rather than resist.

Adoption

The entire system is enlisted in working towards the outcome needed and using the change as a catapult. When you have reached this phase you have people adding to the improvement of the changes being made and selling others on the “why”. You have several others carrying the initiative forward. Behaviors toward the change are not only changing, but have changed and the results are being reaped. You have a clear connection established for how the transition to something different is benefiting the system. And it has moved from just a concept or idea to an experience. Its real and effective.

As odd as it seems you need to be very careful on how fast you get people into the system. Because if you have heavy adoption it can put a lot of strain on your follow through and follow up. Once the word spreads, and it spreads fast now days. You had better be ready because you may find out just how sustainable the change really is when the mass adoption happens. Doesn’t feel good when you don’t have support systems to handle all the questions and inevitable breakdowns…even under the best of circumstances. It quickly becomes a numbers game. Your change can be derailed by success…really.

Adoption is what we want, but be careful what you ask for…you just might get it.

Maintenance

Leading change in systems requires constant and consistent reinforcement. You have to keep working the cycle. It is often the case that we think in linear terms and that’s not the case for any system unless its completely closed. Things are never static so you need to make sure that you have a maintenance plan in place. Admittedly its not going to require as much effort to maintain success as the energy required to gain momentum on initiation. It still requires focused attention on the outcome and output.

When things begin to drift for whatever the reason you need to redirect, recalibrate  or recommit. Communicating your commitment is a big asset to advancing any change or agenda in a system. Especially when getting Buy In, but maintenance seems to lull our commitments to sleep. I often refer to this as the “night watchman” period. You go around and make sure that things are where they are supposed to be and you don’t disrupt anymore than necessary. This is where some get bored and want to move on.

In conclusion, I hope this simple 4 element framework helped you to think about transitioning systems and exacting change in a less complex fashion. There are always beginnings and endings, but this cycle lays out what has to happen to work through that change. It may be stopping or starting something. Regardless these 4 areas help you locate and check in with yourself. Leading change often happens when we have to change. If you are right handed and your right hand gets cut off you have to write with your left hand. No choice. This whole framework is about proactive change with less or managed stress. Don’t over complicate it and trust the process.

Influence skills are deeply shaped as kids and at recess these became finely honed.

Your ability to influence (or be influenced by) others plays out pretty quickly after the bell sounds for recess…and we are off to gym or playground. Good leaders are building a coalition at restroom breaks, during projects in the class room, and at the lunch table. Indeed a great leader is always aware of opportunities to share their dreams and plans. Influence on others is really fundamental to the success of all leadership efforts. Whether its recess or the boardroom…or the family dinner table, influencing the thinking and behaviors of others is key to moving your agenda forward.

 Fear, intimidation, and humiliation are tactics that we use or others use to get us to do what they want.

Some kids learn to be the bully at recess. Its leadership by manipulation or intimidation on the diamond or swing set. It shows up in language and action as…”I may or may not choose you to be on my team or I might turn everyone against you.” To be honest it was this behavior that got me thinking about a training topic on this with a team I was asked to help develop. I observed corporate bullies and bullish behavior among the “adults” (men and women alike) in corporate  environments and customer situations.

Literally there were times I had flash backs in meetings to moments at recess where someone wanted their way. Only difference, it had become more sophisticated in the work place. Sometimes well disguised as advice or sincere intentions. Holding some performance review over another’s head or withholding career advancement. I don’t suffer bullies well or being bullied. Couple that with my straight talk and you can see how well I got along with egos at times. This often made others frustrated with me. Politics is a part of corporate life and you better learn to maneuver in situations that impact your career and know when you will take a stand for your values. People want to leverage you to do things for their personal reasons…this is not wrong necessarily unless it goes against your own sense of values.

Observing how teachers/supervisors deal with conflict and misconduct.

When I misbehaved in school I got spanked by the principal and a message sent home. And I got spanked at home and message sent to to school. A vicious cycle only I could break. We had teachers that struggled to manage conflict and poor conduct. Some for lack of skills and others because there was no commitment to be involved at that level. Granted things may be much more complex these days. However, great teachers aren’t just subject experts and knowledge transfer machines. Skillful teachers deal with the whole system and think about the learning environment as much as the content.

Teacher is just another word for Leader.

It became clear to me as I reflected on my grade school experience that I was learning leadership from the example my teachers lived out in front of me at a very early age. And in my grade school these were women who had dedicated their lives to us little monsters. The strength and compassion was amazing to see in many tough situations. Leader is another word for “student” too. In the sense of leading one’s own self. The best students often make the best teachers and they aren’t always the brightest. Students that submit themselves to their teacher’s guidance and are willing to comply with requests learn the most. The best followers often make great leaders. Following and learning are a big part of life and leadership. It is in following that we can learn how to lead effectively. Somehow the role model teacher knows when to step in and guide you and when to let you run, not passive but wise.

• In conclusion of this little set of installments on recess and leadership; it was so important to realize that fair doesn’t mean equal.
• You may get blamed for doing something or saying something that you didn’t.

You may get the raw deal.

• Dealing with this sense of unfairness builds character or bitterness. If character, then it teaches us that when we may not have been “the one”…we just might have had a little more involvement than we would like to admit. If bitterness, we look to get even and that road is a nasty one that produces more bitter feelings. I have few regrets, but one thing I would do over is to NOT  join in making fun of others…even when they had it coming. No value was created and I almost weep at times at how we treated some less fortunate folks.

Recess didn’t last forever, so I only wish I would have played even a little harder. Hope you enjoyed this series…next up…What does it really take to make change in systems? You likely have the book, but that may not mean squat. Now you have to do it.

It doesn’t take long to find out if your declaration got  things going your way at recess. For example, you might have tried the “fine I will just go play by myself then”. Somehow this statement would severely punish the little buggers for treating you so poorly. Only to find out they went on without you and really didn’t care. Yep, you usually got the opposite of what you wanted. It seemed to me manipulation rarely worked well with our crowd. If it did the results never could be sustained over time…rarely past two recess periods.

There were times you wanted to put your idea out there. Sometimes on a rare occasion you even got an…”okay let’s do it!” When that happened I started wondering if I had two heads. Really? You mean we are going to do my game? Your taking my lead on choosing the game this recess time? You might even start to think you are the popular kid in class playing everyone like a puppet. Then at noon recess you find it was just a blip, not even a fad or trend line you could count on for future reference. It’s worth the risk to put it out there though. If you could let go of the result it might just work.

We learn to conform and get along. Its really not bad to conform until you get talked into something that can get you arrested, expelled from school, or worse ruin your life forever. Other than those things, conformity is a necessary part of most successful societies, work roles, and relationships. If you don’t behave to the norms or conform you may get left out. That’s a bad day. So, you learn how to position your ideas better and plant them with the right people. Going along is a way that collaboration gets its first seeds of planted. Playing nice is really a great trait.

Communication is how we influence outcomes. During lunch, physical education, in the hallways, and passing notes in the classroom you could start your agenda rolling. Then when the bell rings you see your ideas get posited by the other kids and then “bada-bing” you learn that you don’t have to always be the one saying it.  If you get others to say it for you get more buy in and you get what you want more often. Make it their idea and watch the magic. This sets most people up for great corporate careers…this skill is how you work with the “egos” you run into in business. Letting others think its their idea is sometimes the fastest way forward. Do you want credit for always coming up with a great idea/concept or do you want the outcome?

We learned how to communicate whenever a new kid came in our group. Building relationships with the new kid(s) was always interesting with our core group of farm kids. We didn’t have a lot of turnover, but kept of few open spots for the errant city kid that was “doing time” in the country. I would say our group was pretty accepting because we needed people to play ball. Our core group was small (9-11 kids in my grade school class). And you can’t maintain a crush on the same girl for years without things getting a little stale. The new kids often brought new narratives of life full of new words and stories…I leave that to your imagination.

We learned to be patient with each other. If you were teaching a new game or trying out new games or ideas it took some time to walk people through it. This seemed like we all took our turns to share some “teaching” time with our cohort at recess. Again, the whole concept of time being limited is really interesting. Especially as I think back on recess we packed a lot in during these short periods and we learned to suspend our play and pick it up right where we left off the next time flawlessly. Communicating wasn’t perfected it was practiced. And that is the key to effective relationships.

When I was a kid…

We didn’t have an “app” for this or that on Google Play or Apple. Pin ball was pretty high technology. Heck, we thought it was just crazy talk to even think Dick Tracy’s watch with camera and 2 way communication would be a reality some day. Men on the moon just messed with your whole sense of reality about what was possible. Also, you had to look through several grades to find a “fat kid”. I mean truly obese children didn’t exist in our school. We did chores at home and played like maniacs at recess and ate like pigs. I only mention this so you gain perspective on how far we have come in a relatively short period of time as citizens of this society…or maybe a few steps back in some respects.

This may sound weird, but we can forget we have a body…physical play keeps you in touch with your body and gets you out of your head. Problem solving skills require a body as well as a mind. And whenever we got together we were running, skating, biking, or exploring possibilities together.  When you stop playing together, physically, you stop learning at a level that includes your “body”. Not just your mind needs to learn, your body is what you will need for the long haul to get you around.

Problem solving was learned at home and at recess. We had to work together everyday as a family to just keep the farm going. Even when we were at recess we worked hard on something important called “playing”. I think that was the beginning experience of problem solving as a team for me. It wasn’t like we were better, smarter, or luckier. It was the environment we were in and our culture as rural kids. There were some innate things about recess that I think helped us become better problem solvers…together.

We had limited time to have fun. Whether it was recess or connecting up on the weekend after chores were done. Our time together was prized and cherished. With limited time you don’t want to waste it and so you get at “it”. You have to form teams quickly, this is why we as humans can succumb to cliques. Rather than teams, we join a group, but eventually the cliques are so narrow that you just can’t enjoy the full breadth of adventure. Cliques are easier at first than trying to collaborate, but it isn’t the solution long term. Problem solving is best when done together with diverse and inclusive groups. The solution is always better.

Collaboration at recess meant finding a way everyone can win, in some way. I don’t mean there were no losers. What I mean is not getting in long arguments about “what and who” could play just ate into the that precious time that we could be playing. Time is always the pressure point on solving problems. When I’m working with leadership teams it always gets a little more heated when the “time” element gets involved. Problem solving is not about finding the perfect solution as much as it is about finding a solution we all can live with…for now. It is a process and moving goal. There will be another recess.

Compromise always works when everyone takes turns or someone doesn’t break the ranks of trust and go “selfish” on you. Nothing breaks down the team and trust in solving problems together when someone doesn’t reciprocate with you on “taking turns”. We are much less inclined to  letting others get their way (and start sticking up for yourself) when we don’t have a common set of rules to play by.

Compromising to help in solving problems is important. It doesn’t mean you have to choose winners and losers. Problem solving together means we can find a win…and an answer that fits the issue best. We move from a discussion of “either/or” to “both/and”. How about we do this and that, then we all get to participate? Let’s play your game today and my game tomorrow. Problem solved and relationships of love and trust are built!

Could it be that we could institute recess times at work and in Washington, DC to create better problem solvers? I’m greatly disappointed in the “my way or the highway” mentality that has been creeping into our culture. As long as you compromise with me that is success. Your values are not valid so we can’t find a way to coexist for the benefit of everyone. I know this metaphor of “recess” can seem simplistic and break down quickly, but my intention was to stimulate your reflection. To reconnect with what you learned as a kid or…what you may have lost or never had that can now be gained. If I had my way I would pair Harry Reid with Mitch McConnell and they would have to be a team to hide. Then Pelosi and Boehner would have to team up to find them. It could be a breakthrough.

When your “recess” teacher (read – CEO, sales manager, President of These United States, Lead Pastor, etc.) are more focused on their own agenda they have just started messing with the “what” kids are playing. We need someone to help these “kids” focus on the “how” they play together. They will then come up with the best solution all on their own. This is leadership, keeping the values up front of how we will be together as a community.

I recall the really good “recess teachers” tried to influence how we played together. They didn’t tell us “what” to play. It was the “how” we played together that mattered to them. The idea that we included each other fairly mattered greatly for the best guardians of free time. Left to our own common denominator maneuvers; we quickly became a little community of self centered and narcissistic little brats. With out someone setting the standard of expectations the meek are trampled and the selfish may be destined for the boys or girls home or politics.

Building mutual respect and trust is an experience. A learned behavior, that once you grasped the power in it, it created new space for transformation and amazing things to take place. For example, this transformation and amazement happened during square dancing when you allowed yourself to “do-si-d0″ and “all-a-man left or right” with the yucky girl next to you. You actually touched her hand and survived. Taking risks and doing something you may not feel comfortable with (like playing with the girls) does build internal strength and respect. Of course, later on we boys get warnings about playing with girls in our own private boy meetings. So, it does get somewhat confusing. But like I say…trust is an experience.

Taking turns, let’s do your deal this recess and next time we will do your thing. This to me is a big part of school and the recess times I had. You had to wait your turn and share. You couldn’t just “hog” the swings, monkey bars, or the ball diamond. It was expected everyone was to be able to join. This feels like a really great rule when you find yourself on the outer fringes of the community some days. It was the one way you could get back in and redeem yourself from the “shunning”. Nothing like a homer over the fence to bring you back into the fold too…performing and conforming are learned behaviors.

Manipulation only works for a week and then polarity sets in…sometimes you get the community on your side for long periods of time. Even when you feel you have things going your way the end result is inauthentic relationships that are about as deep as the baby pool at the town pool. Just because you are “popular” doesn’t mean it gives you power. Your power never resides in the popularity but the way you treat and value others over the long haul. You become popular because of your values. That’s sustainable trust and respect.

We don’t need to choose sides. There’s usually a process for that. It is putting your hands on a bat until the person on the top wins the choice. You can count off in any numeric division to achieve the desired even amount to split into teams. Or choose a number between 1 and 10. All these processes can be modified. Take my personal example. Robert Schelp and I could hit the ball over the fence at a pretty regular clip. So, it was modified that we had to be on opposite teams. It taught us to enjoy the game and compete when maybe you didn’t get the 1st pick.

Its competitive, but you don’t have to take it personal. Good friends can be on opposite sides at recess and still be friends. Now I’m not going to say getting picked last feels good, but that’s life. Just like life there is not a perfect formula and those that got picked towards the end were there for reasons beyond just performance. There were injustices and trouble on the playground. Most of the tattle telling happened because of recess interactions. You found out who went to the teacher and who kept it among just us. There is a lesson in life for all of us at recess.

My fondest AND worse memories about grade school could be contained in those short 20 minute bursts of chaos known as “recess”. Recess was often the only thing you had to look forward to while “doing time” in solitary confinement in your neat little desk rows. Getting out of your desk , if only for a short period, was akin to Christmas morning some days for me. The only thing that beat that feeling was the last day of school. Most of us country kids barely tolerated this constriction of the human spirit that was foisted upon us. We were use to being free spirits roaming the farm and countryside exploring the next creek or wooded area.

Many of us were working along side our parents doing chores and caring for animals as early as we can remember. Even better yet getting out of school in the spring and fall for driving the tractor for the first time! School was in a broader life category I have defined as  ”get the damn thing over with” life segment. Recess was one joyful reprise from 5th grade teachers like Mrs. Quirk (not kidding that was her name) and sitting next to girls. I have a confession though, I’ve always liked girls and was up for stealing a kiss at a pretty young age.

Found out some new girl from “a town” (town girls always just a little more worldly) had moved out to the country and was passing out kisses in the  5th grade to those boys willing to sign up. Not sure what happened to Denise, but I appreciated her generous spirit. So, of course I put my name on the waiting list. Showed up on time at the appointed rendezvous spot(coat closet) right after recess. Things started out okay in the coat closet until when I kissed her I pushed her head into one of those two-pronged, brass coat hooks. First time I made a girl cry when I kissed her…it was from a contusion.

Me being the daydreamer I am, recess was often the only thing that brought me back into my body and physical world around me. Its amazing as I look back at all the crap that could happen in those compressed (and monitored) 20 minute periods. And the places I could go in my imagination while sitting in my desk, in that room, bored…. I will grant that lunchtime recess was a longer recess period. IF you ate like a pig at a trough and did the pseudo-conformist “run/walk” down the hall and out the door to freedom, you could easily get 25 or maybe 30 minutes. Of course, as you were high stepping it out of the cafeteria you would be elbowing your best buddy all the way like you were in a “roller derby” match.

The fact is to an adult 20 minutes really isn’t a long time to do anything. For some of my hunting buddies that’s a normal amount of time in the bathroom before we hit the meadows. I can get the “stares” in the morning for over 30 minutes with my first cup of coffee. It’s short. Yet, during a 20 minute recess as a child we developed amazing life skills and accomplished great feats of strength and diplomacy that any statesman or carnival hawker would and could only envy. In 20 minutes you could…

• Get in a nose bloodying, lip splitting fight with a girl in a grade or two above you or even your best friend. Not saying that was me, but she looked pretty rough.
• Bring matches to school and try to light the dried grass in the fence separating playground from the adjacent cornfield…yes I did. (AND I took them out of the teacher desk after she got them from me in the morning recess and tried to do it again in the afternoon. That earned me my first trip to the principals office as kindergartner.)
• Choose sides and play 3-4 innings of softball…break a girls nose who was pitching with a line drive to the face.
• Get mad at a friend and become best friends again like nothing happened.
• Run like the wind and hit a girl on your way by just for attention…you’ve done it.
• Be a budding pervert with your buddy and watch the girls spin around on the bars in their dresses…just to get a glimpse at what color underwear they had on.
• Humiliate a boy by gathering all other girls around and laugh at the love note he passed you during class…girls learn this behavior during recess and acquire great power that they use later on in relationships. Not even understanding the immense amount of courage it took to put down in writing what you felt! (Yes this happened to me. My dad advised after I shared this shame with him. Always tell a girl in person what you wanted to say and never write it down. These things always show up later. He had to be cracking up during this conversation, but I couldn’t tell. Sound advice I’ve followed.)

In the next few posts I’m going to outline some fundamental life, people, and leadership skills that recess taught us in just 20 minute segments. Maybe after this series some corporate HR departments will introduce recess times …or maybe not. Places like Google have “recess” for employees. Play is essential and productive time. Anyway there is still the blessed lunch break right? Unfortunately many employees have also relinquished this time to the “corporation” just like recess at schools…too busy to take some time to “run like the wind” and play. Or just share a bite of sandwich with a friend or a spouse.

For the next year I would catch myself back in the water and almost in a trance as I relived the moments. These moments would happen usually after a shower. When I snapped out of it I would find myself grasping a towel to my chest and just standing there off in that lake again. It might be the post traumatic experience that many folks get. I had no nightmares, it was just so surreal whenever I went there like that. Over time it became less frequent and less prolonged.

When I got up the next morning after our icy adventure, it was cold and clear. I decided the drying of the wool socks and other items could be done in the sun and wind. On the windward side of island was the biggest flattest rock I’ve seen up north. I spread out our things on the rock and the bushes and came back every so often to turn them. Dried out Andy’s billfold and gathered some wood for a morning breakfast. Yesterday was already like a dream. Andy still slept while I got the drying started. It was unbelievable in so many ways what had occurred right up front in our trip. To say I wasn’t a little apprehensive about being in a canoe again would be inauthentic. There were some fears to fight. Reality though is we HAVE to get back in the canoe.

We did climb back in that day and did some fishing, but we put ballas in the bottom of the canoe in one of our waterproof packs. The wind was relentless that whole week. And one day we realized it wasn’t even safe to be out on the water. We were planning to stay until Saturday. But after a day of fierce wind and being on the island…we called it a week. The next morning we would leave and shorten the trip. I think in some way we were mentally spent and ready to move on.

That Friday morning it was as windy as ever and we loaded our canoe and headed for the mouth of the river to begin our portage and trip back up the river. It was very nerve wracking, but something happens inside you when you have no choice really, but to get back into the very situation that tried to claim your life just some 4 days ago. It was so windy and it was all behind us that we literally sailed across the lake with so much momentum that as Andy guided our canoe into the river and the current didn’t even slow us down. We must have slid in 20 yards on our momentum.

Just as we were leaving two canoes piled high with a week of supplies and what looked like a 10 year old boy on top the pile were heading out into the lake. We moved so quickly by each other that we mostly just said a quick hello. They asked how the fishing was and we said slow and wished them luck. Further up I said to Andy that there was no use in telling them the headwind and waves they were about to face because they wouldn’t be turning back anyway. And they would soon find out all on their own…how windy Perent Lake can be in the spring.

When I arrived home I told my wife the story and she never wants to hear it again, not even today. If I had died up there Andy would have that to live with his whole life. Had we both died, well it would be a story like others have in their families of tragedy. Yet, I wouldn’t trade the experience. No regrets. One of the reasons I’ve posted this story was to get this dang thing out of me and into the cosmos. If that makes sense. Also to share what I learned from this experience and still learn from life experiences.

• The decisions we make in life matter far more than we are consciously aware at the time we make them. Pay attention.
  • The first is my life vest. It cost me probably 65 dollars when I bought it and I was wearing it that afternoon over my winter coat…zipped, snapped, and tightly secured.
  • The second supporting my son as a swimmer.
• We want life changing experiences without risk
  • Anytime we change our routine it takes focused effort and can involve great risk.
  • Changing your routine takes planning as much as the effort.
  • Risk is a part of any new adventure and what stops us
    ]]> http://www.heartwoodgroup.com/archives/684/feed 2 http://www.heartwoodgroup.com/archives/688 http://www.heartwoodgroup.com/archives/688#comments Tue, 11 Dec 2012 16:51:09 +0000 Mark http://www.heartwoodgroup.com/?p=688 The reef is the goal and with each stroke  I can see now that Andy is at the reef with the canoe…keep stroking. My brain is telling my limbs to move, but I can’t really feel them. And some how in a moment I am there with my son at the “rock pile”. We both use all our energy to gain footing on the small outcrop of rock and tip the canoe up and drain the water.  I don’t know how long it takes, but we do it! I pin it against the exposed rock and Andy’s in…okay how do I get in. I am still chest to midwaist deep in water. Andy grabs the rock and holds canoe against it and slowly I balance myself on top of the canoe. There is no moving into a sitting position without tipping it again.

    I am spread eagle on top using both hands as paddles. We have one oar and saw the other and paddled to it. Somehow, amidst all this we only lose our bait and the box it was in. Our poles stay in the boat. We gather the last oar and we are headed for the island. I think each of us had measured excitement for this milestone, but we still had to get back on the island. We are spent and our muscles are numb and slow to respond to our brain’s signals. Had it not been for the fatigue and cold setting into our bodies we may have been excited. (We joke later that had it been the middle of July the water would have been cold, but it would have been a laugh or two getting back on land. Perspective is often changed by your circumstances.)

    Paddling was colder than swimming. Out in the air we were now chilling even faster it seemed. Land is getting closer and we are secure that we will make it to land and this canoe is coming with us! We can’t beach the canoe with our speed, but I roll out into the water and grab the canoe. It seems to just want to stay in the water like the water itself is pulling it back, almost mad it didn’t claim us. My son gets out and joins me. Now those of you that know me, know I never had a lot  of people pick a fight with me…just because of my size. I’m around “two hondo” and 6 foot 3 . My son is an athlete in his prime and it took all the two of us had in strength to pull a 60 pound canoe onto the shore. Still baffles me.

    When we got upright we hugged each other, no words spoken. The first thing I did before we launched off to fish that afternoon was look at my watch to plan for dinner and getting back to camp to make food before dark.  I now looked at my watch again and what seemed like just 10 minutes in the water became a shocking reality. We were in the water almost 1 hour and 15 minutes. I can see it like it was yesterday…no way…over an hour in 38 degree water! (Another weird fact I recall, since we met a conservation officer as we launched and he stated the water temp was still running 38-40 degrees) Now the cold and weariness sets in for us both. We need fire and we hadn’t cut any wood yet. We must warm up or this party is over. Getting out of the water was only step 1, we now have step 2 and that is to warm ourselves.

    When you go on a trip like this you pack very little and we need what we have on to wear. Our only shoes, coats, etc. we are wearing are soaked and we have to dry them out. First get warmed.  Now its going to be high 20′s to low 30′s that night and it was already getting dark and colder fast. We both strip down naked. I make a decision my son was skeptical about and I crawl immediately into my sleeping bag for a quick start on warming my core and moving my limbs. He’s yelling at me not to go to sleep…I wasn’t and his yelling at me wouldn’t allow it. It was just the edge I needed to then get busy making a fire. We have no boots so we take what we have in camp. Fresh socks, pants, dry t-shirt, and we put plastic baggies on our feet to gather wood.

    After some sawing we get a fire going and it was the sweetest fire in the world. We start right away build a drying rack and get our boots “roasting”. (Note: Andy’s boots actually get a little too hot and melt a little on the soles.)  The remainder will have to wait for morning. Now food and warm ourselves. The rest of that night is just us focused on drying our  boots and getting warm. During the proxcess I realize my billfold is gone. During the swim it floated out of my pocket. With it my license, credit card, and some cash. Thank you Lord, the keys for the Jeep are still in my pocket! Now I also remember that I held onto my gloves in one hand the whole time I was swimming. Weird why I did that, but I still have those insulated gloves today. My billfold, however, is still on the bottom of Perent Lake.

    Eventually we get some food made, and have warmed up. The adrenaline is gone and we are both hardly able to stay awake. As I reflect on that evening and even the next day; there is one interesting observation that lingers to this day. When two people go through something like this together. You both process it together and yet separately. But that evening and into the next day we had very little to say to each other. What words could we have used? It was as if everything that needed to be said was all there. My son and I were so complete in our relationship that words had no value in that moment. Talking about it would have only diminished the meaning between us. I owe my life to my son…as I type this tears well up in my eyes. It may seem odd, but how blessed we were to have this experience…to be out on the edge of existence. To depend on each other to survive.

    The story doesn’t end here. We were still on the island, it was still windy, and the week wasn’t over. This was only the first day of our adventure! In the next and final post I want to share our departure and what this experience has gifted me with as I live my life and coach others through life transitions.

    Watch for the next and final post in this story…Heading Home and into Life.

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